How Do I Begin To Heal After A Breakup That Shattered Me?
The Heartache of Letting Go
Breakups can feel like emotional earthquakes. Even when the decision is mutual or necessary, the grief can feel all-consuming. For those with histories of abandonment, enmeshment, or trauma, a breakup can re-ignite deep nervous system responses—fight, flight, freeze, or fawn. You’re not just grieving a person—you’re grieving a version of yourself and the future you imagined.
Why It Feels So Hard
Breakups activate the brain’s pain centre in a similar way to physical injury. According to neuroscience research (Kross et al., 2011), romantic rejection activates the same brain areas as physical pain.
If you’ve experienced trauma, you may also feel:
Anxious attachment: fear of being unlovable or alone.
Avoidant patterns: retreating or shutting down as a form of emotional self-protection.
Loss of identity: confusion about who you are without the relationship.
Healing Practices for the Mind, Body, and Soul
Journaling Prompts:
“What parts of myself did I lose in this relationship?”
“What did I learn about my needs, patterns, and boundaries?”
Mind-Body Practices:
Gentle yoga, particularly heart-opening poses (like supported fish or child’s pose).
Bilateral stimulation (e.g., walking or tapping) to process emotion safely.
Self-Compassion Exercises:
Write a letter to yourself as if you were your best friend.
Use mirror affirmations: “I am healing, even if I can’t feel it yet.”
Therapy & Support:
Consider trauma-informed therapy, especially modalities like Somatic Experiencing or EMDR.
Join a healing group or course focused on post-breakup recovery.
Redefining Yourself
This is your chance to return to who you were before—and discover who you want to become.
Make a “joy list” of small things that bring you pleasure or peace.
Reconnect with friends or chosen family members who feel safe.
Try new hobbies without pressure to be good—just explore.
Conclusion: Healing Isn’t Linear—But You’re Still Moving Forward
At Calm Sanctuary, we honour the messiness of healing. Some days you’ll feel empowered; others, not so much. Both are valid. Your worth isn’t defined by who loves you—it’s defined by how gently you’re learning to love yourself. You are not broken. You are becoming.
